5 years ago
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Monday, October 31, 2005
From my archives..
10th Grade
As I sat there in English class,
I stared at the girl next to me.
She was my so called 'best friend'.
I stared at her long
and wished she was mine.
But she didn't notice me like that,
and I knew it. After class,
she walked up to me and asked me for
the notes she had missed the day before.
I handed them to her.
She said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to know
that I didn't want to be just friends.
I love her but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.
11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end,
it was her. She was in tears,
mumbling on and on about how her
love had broken her heart.
She asked me to come over because
she didn't want to be alone, So I did.
As I sat next to her on the sofa,
I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine.
After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie,
and three bags of chips, I decided to go home.
She looked at me, said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on
the cheek..
I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to know that
I didn't want to be just friends.
I love her but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.
2nd year College
One fine day she walked to me.
"My date is sick" she said, "he's not gonna go"
well,
I didn't have a date, and in our 1st year,
we made a promise that if neither of us had a date,
we would go together just as 'best friends'.
So we did. That night, after everything was over,
I was standing at her front door step.
I stared at her as She smiled at me
and stared at me with her crystal eyes.
Then she said- "I had the best time, thanks!"
and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to know
that I didn't want to be just friends.
I love her but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.
Graduation
A day passed, then a week, then a month.
Before I could blink, it was graduation day.
I watched as she floated like an angel
up on stage to get her diploma.
I wanted her to be mine-but
she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it.
Before everyone went home,
she came to me in her smock and hat,
and cried as I hugged her.
Then she lifted her head from my shoulder
and said- 'you're my best friend, thanks' and
gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to know
that I didn't want to be just friends.
I love her but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.
Marriage
My best friend is getting married now.
Getting married to another man.
I wanted her to be mine,
but she didn't see me like that,
and I knew it.
But before she drove away,
she came to me and said 'you came!'.
She said 'thanks' and kissed me on the cheek.
I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to know
I didn't want to be just friends.
I love her but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.
Death
Years passed, I looked down at lifeless form
of a girl who used to be my 'best friend'.
At the service, they read a diary entry
she had wrote in her high school years.
This is what it read:
"I stare at him wishing he was mine;
but he doesn't notice me like that,
and I know it. I want to tell him,
I want him to know that
I don't want to be just friends,
I love him but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.
I wish he would tell me he loved me!"
I thought to my self - 'I wish I had...'
and I cried.
As I sat there in English class,
I stared at the girl next to me.
She was my so called 'best friend'.
I stared at her long
and wished she was mine.
But she didn't notice me like that,
and I knew it. After class,
she walked up to me and asked me for
the notes she had missed the day before.
I handed them to her.
She said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to know
that I didn't want to be just friends.
I love her but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.
11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end,
it was her. She was in tears,
mumbling on and on about how her
love had broken her heart.
She asked me to come over because
she didn't want to be alone, So I did.
As I sat next to her on the sofa,
I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine.
After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie,
and three bags of chips, I decided to go home.
She looked at me, said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on
the cheek..
I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to know that
I didn't want to be just friends.
I love her but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.
2nd year College
One fine day she walked to me.
"My date is sick" she said, "he's not gonna go"
well,
I didn't have a date, and in our 1st year,
we made a promise that if neither of us had a date,
we would go together just as 'best friends'.
So we did. That night, after everything was over,
I was standing at her front door step.
I stared at her as She smiled at me
and stared at me with her crystal eyes.
Then she said- "I had the best time, thanks!"
and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to know
that I didn't want to be just friends.
I love her but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.
Graduation
A day passed, then a week, then a month.
Before I could blink, it was graduation day.
I watched as she floated like an angel
up on stage to get her diploma.
I wanted her to be mine-but
she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it.
Before everyone went home,
she came to me in her smock and hat,
and cried as I hugged her.
Then she lifted her head from my shoulder
and said- 'you're my best friend, thanks' and
gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to know
that I didn't want to be just friends.
I love her but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.
Marriage
My best friend is getting married now.
Getting married to another man.
I wanted her to be mine,
but she didn't see me like that,
and I knew it.
But before she drove away,
she came to me and said 'you came!'.
She said 'thanks' and kissed me on the cheek.
I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to know
I didn't want to be just friends.
I love her but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.
Death
Years passed, I looked down at lifeless form
of a girl who used to be my 'best friend'.
At the service, they read a diary entry
she had wrote in her high school years.
This is what it read:
"I stare at him wishing he was mine;
but he doesn't notice me like that,
and I know it. I want to tell him,
I want him to know that
I don't want to be just friends,
I love him but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.
I wish he would tell me he loved me!"
I thought to my self - 'I wish I had...'
and I cried.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Beyond the beginning
The beginning of a relationship is always a beautiful experience. Meeting someone, hitting it off with that person, getting to know him/her, likes, dislikes, trying to meet everyday, expecting calls, waiting anxiously, making compromises, trying hard for the other’s approval, lots of white lies, philosophical ramblings, silent conversations, sweet nothings, a little bit of flirting, moments of intimacy. Well, the list is endless.
Rarely does this beginning last forever. Occasionally, it stretches for longer than usual. But mostly, it fades out for various reasons. We get to know each other too well. Things start becoming predictable. Some are comfortable with this predictability. These are the ones who take their relationships beyond the fade.
But for some, this predictability means monotony. They start feeling stifled in that relationship. The intimacy goes missing. Silences are no longer comfortably shared. Opinions become brutally frank. Eventually, an excuse is found to end it all. Mostly, the excuse turns out to be another person.
Some don’t understand the fade out. They do feel uneasy, but they don’t necessarily end the relationship. They still persist, repeatedly trying to discover that elusive magic of the beginning, often getting lost in nostalgic thoughts and wishing for a return to those golden days.
I’ve experienced the beginning a few times. Some were painfully short, some lasted longer. But all of them were good as long as they lasted. I’ve never ventured beyond the beginning though. Don’t know why.
I keep thinking – why not keep doing this? Why go beyond the beginning at all? Why lose the magic?
But deep down, I know I will go beyond the beginning one day. And I will do it just once.
Rarely does this beginning last forever. Occasionally, it stretches for longer than usual. But mostly, it fades out for various reasons. We get to know each other too well. Things start becoming predictable. Some are comfortable with this predictability. These are the ones who take their relationships beyond the fade.
But for some, this predictability means monotony. They start feeling stifled in that relationship. The intimacy goes missing. Silences are no longer comfortably shared. Opinions become brutally frank. Eventually, an excuse is found to end it all. Mostly, the excuse turns out to be another person.
Some don’t understand the fade out. They do feel uneasy, but they don’t necessarily end the relationship. They still persist, repeatedly trying to discover that elusive magic of the beginning, often getting lost in nostalgic thoughts and wishing for a return to those golden days.
I’ve experienced the beginning a few times. Some were painfully short, some lasted longer. But all of them were good as long as they lasted. I’ve never ventured beyond the beginning though. Don’t know why.
I keep thinking – why not keep doing this? Why go beyond the beginning at all? Why lose the magic?
But deep down, I know I will go beyond the beginning one day. And I will do it just once.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Nothing specific
My dealer, Viju Vijayan, often says that the best part about living in kerala is that there’s no dearth of tourist spots. One just needs to deviate a little and take “the road less traveled”. It is hard to disagree with him.
After shifting to Cochin, I decided that I had to experience as much of god’s own country, as possible, before moving on. 7 months later, I’m pretty much on track and my colleagues and dealers have given me good company. But what amazes me the most, is that all these guys - native keralites - had never been to any of the places, which we had visited after my arrival. They even raised a toast to me for initiating such trips. :-)
Local body elections just got over in Kerala. The Left Democratic Front (LDF), led by CPI-M registered a landslide victory. The incumbent United DF, led by Congress, received a comprehensive drubbing. There’s talk that this may be a pointer to the electoral mood during the assembly elections, which are due in May06. I am told that this is the usual cycle- Congress and CPI-M get drubbed alternately every five years…quite similar to the DMK-ADMK story in Tamilinadu.
Recently, I officially became a LAKHpati. My bank balance just about managed to cross the six-figure mark for the first time. I’ve not celebrated it yet. Planning to splurge it big time, on vacation, in December. Will probably go to Maldives or Mauritius. :-)
I’ve seen that when I spend money on what I want, I get back more of it. But when I don’t spend and resort to saving, I lose it on something totally useless to me.
That’s why, I don’t believe in saving money for the future.
After shifting to Cochin, I decided that I had to experience as much of god’s own country, as possible, before moving on. 7 months later, I’m pretty much on track and my colleagues and dealers have given me good company. But what amazes me the most, is that all these guys - native keralites - had never been to any of the places, which we had visited after my arrival. They even raised a toast to me for initiating such trips. :-)
Local body elections just got over in Kerala. The Left Democratic Front (LDF), led by CPI-M registered a landslide victory. The incumbent United DF, led by Congress, received a comprehensive drubbing. There’s talk that this may be a pointer to the electoral mood during the assembly elections, which are due in May06. I am told that this is the usual cycle- Congress and CPI-M get drubbed alternately every five years…quite similar to the DMK-ADMK story in Tamilinadu.
Recently, I officially became a LAKHpati. My bank balance just about managed to cross the six-figure mark for the first time. I’ve not celebrated it yet. Planning to splurge it big time, on vacation, in December. Will probably go to Maldives or Mauritius. :-)
I’ve seen that when I spend money on what I want, I get back more of it. But when I don’t spend and resort to saving, I lose it on something totally useless to me.
That’s why, I don’t believe in saving money for the future.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Helpless
You know… Sometimes in life, some things happen that make us feel utterly helpless. I was there today.
My parents are on a pilgrimage tour of the Himalayas. They’ve been enjoying and regularly updating me (thanks to BSNL’s amazing coverage). But they hadn’t called in the past 2 days. And they weren’t reachable either. That was really bugging me.
And here I was in Cochin, working a Sunday, just about to start a workshop for some so-called budding surgeons, when I received a call from my brother. Seems my parents were stuck in Badrinath due to some landslide on the downhill route. I frantically call them and I’m finally able to connect. Seems it’s freezing there. No power. No hot water. Appa being appa, is coping up pretty well. Amma isn’t. Even as she’s telling me not to worry, she starts stuttering due to the cold. She’s shivering and her voice sounds awful.
Just then, a doctor walks up to me and chides me for taking calls. It takes a lot of restraint to give him a polite reply. I feel like killing him, but sanity prevails. Helpless…that’s how I felt.
My parents are on a pilgrimage tour of the Himalayas. They’ve been enjoying and regularly updating me (thanks to BSNL’s amazing coverage). But they hadn’t called in the past 2 days. And they weren’t reachable either. That was really bugging me.
And here I was in Cochin, working a Sunday, just about to start a workshop for some so-called budding surgeons, when I received a call from my brother. Seems my parents were stuck in Badrinath due to some landslide on the downhill route. I frantically call them and I’m finally able to connect. Seems it’s freezing there. No power. No hot water. Appa being appa, is coping up pretty well. Amma isn’t. Even as she’s telling me not to worry, she starts stuttering due to the cold. She’s shivering and her voice sounds awful.
Just then, a doctor walks up to me and chides me for taking calls. It takes a lot of restraint to give him a polite reply. I feel like killing him, but sanity prevails. Helpless…that’s how I felt.
Friday, September 23, 2005
Bad company
was in chennai yesterday..followed up a lot pending issues at the HQ. visiting HQ is always a good break from routine..the only problem is that i end up smoking a lot more than usual..talk about bad company!
reached cochin at 630am. cudn't get much sleep on the train, because of this guy who kept snoring. he was so loud that i even reached out and poked him a couple times..that trick usually works with my dad..but this guy just wouldn't stop. when we finally arrived at cochin, i asked him to go and see a doctor about his snoring...and then i walked out..think he was shellshocked..
now it's just noon and i already feel like a zombie.
reached cochin at 630am. cudn't get much sleep on the train, because of this guy who kept snoring. he was so loud that i even reached out and poked him a couple times..that trick usually works with my dad..but this guy just wouldn't stop. when we finally arrived at cochin, i asked him to go and see a doctor about his snoring...and then i walked out..think he was shellshocked..
now it's just noon and i already feel like a zombie.
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